Controlling your anger is one of the keys to a happy and healthy life. It also helps you with relationships. No one wants to deal with an angry person. It causes you to lash out at the people you care about and drive them away. It also has a very negative impact on your physical health. Anger can drive up your blood pressure and cause your heart to beat faster, two things that are associated with problems like heart disease. You can understand why it’s important to take care of your anger. Unfortunately it can also be difficult to keep it in check. There are people who just don’t understand how to do it. These are the does and don’ts of anger management.

Do: Understand

It’s important to understand why you’re angry if you want to move on from it. Anger often comes from stress. So ask yourself what is stressing you out. Anger can also be caused by problems like sleep deprivation. One way to understand what makes you angry is to keep an anger journal; a list of everything that has made you angry. Do this for a few weeks and if you think you’re angry too much you can take it to a doctor or consult a therapist. Sometimes we need help with our anger and there’s no shame in seeing a therapist.

Do: Express Yourself

One way to deal with anger is to do something constructive with it. A lot of people take the time to write about their anger and pour their feelings into something constructive and it can help a lot. It can be beneficial to write down about all your feelings and keep a journal. Writing down about your anger helps you do something with it, and get it out, rather than just sitting there stewing with it.

Do: Take Action

One thing you should never do when you’re angry is nothing. The anger you’re feeling is trying to tell you something. Take action to remove the root causes and triggers of your anger. While it’s impossible to remove everything that makes you feel angry you can still cut out a good chunk. Having less anger to deal with lowers the risk of exploding and doing something nasty as a result of your anger.

Now you know what you should do, let’s take a look at what you don’t do when angry.

Don’t: Obsess

You should never obsess over what has made you angry or being angry. When you focus on your anger it can lead to higher blood pressure and higher stress, making anger itself even worse for you. It’s important to investigate your anger, but you do so that you can solve it, not so you can obsess on it and make it even more dangerous.

Don’t: Talk Too Much

Talking about your anger too much runs the same risks as obsessing over it. In a way it is obsessing over it. It’s important to talk about your anger but only to a degree. It’s been shown that talking about your anger too much tends to negatively affect both you and the person you’re talking to. It raises stress hormones and makes you even angrier. When you’re talking about your anger try and only talk about a topic once. Discuss what made you angry and then move on from it. The next time that situation arises you’ll already have a solution anyway, there’s no point in further discussion.

If you’re having real problems controlling your anger then visiting a therapist is a good idea. There really is no harm or shame in getting a little help when you need it. They’re trained to help you deal with anger and stress in positive ways and will see you leave on the right path. Anger is never the right path though. Write it down, think about it, but move on from it.

Everyone feels anger at some point in their lives. Anger is a perfectly healthy thing to do. What isn’t healthy is letting it control you and doing things you regret because of it. It’s important to control your anger and your stress and is a key part of building a better life.